Here’s to 2020 (And All It May Hold)

I just finished making a list.

Yes, I’ve checked it twice, but no, it’s not about Christmas.

I made a list of every little spin-off of Grazing the Sky so far, and it added up to over thirty separate stories. I knew I had quite a few in the works, but I didn’t think it’d be over 30!

I’ve been posting on Booksie daily (you can read here, if you’re interested), and sometimes I look at my view count and say “hot diddly damn”.

Okay, I don’t really say that, but I think it. And I thank every single one of my readers. I’m so excited to get up every morning (sometimes before the sun even rises) and tackle my 1,000 words a day. It takes me around 18 minutes, but I can thank the site 750words for that time-keeping.

I’m really excited for the new year. A bit sad, a bit dishearted because this year is ending, but damn what an amazing 2019 it’s been. I experienced love, heartbreak, and I learned my worth when it came to who I spent time with. I wrote, wrote, and wrote s’more. I took a break from music and am coming back to bass/guitar full force (getting better at bass is my New Year’s Resolution). I returned to martial arts (I have a black belt in TKD and Kenpo) and I plan on testing for my second degree in Oct of 2020, training for it almost daily (can you say ‘Happy Monday’? Break day, yo!)

All these things take a little time, each day. I’ve learned to pace myself, going after only what I can take until I reach 1,000 words, until I reach 20 minutes of guitar/bass, until I get through these forms or lift those weights for a few minutes. It’s a piece by piece process and I’m so excited to uncover the results.

The song for this post? Probably from my favorite bands, I’ll give you that.

Another year has come and gone again

Look around

And think where have you been.

That Time of Year – Sick Puppies

And as I take those words in, think about everything I’ve been through (just even over the last three years!), it’s been a hell of a ride. My darkest moments, my brightest successes, my everlasting mark on those around me. I have been, will always be kind.

I leave you with a poem, written November of last year.

Let’s finish this year with your heads held high and our fists raised higher. I’ll be with you all the way.

Forever A Fan (A Reflection)

If there’s one band that hits the feels every time, it’s Angels & Airwaves.

I’m currently chilling in my room, blankets a mess beneath my legs, my one-inch tall speaker playing a shuffle of AVA songs.

I haven’t listened to this band in so long, but every album (from their debut to LOVE) just brings back separately powerful memories.

I’d like to say

that you’re my only fear

and when I dream

it slowly disappears.

I was reading some of the past journal entries on my Quotev, and it got me thinking. Right now, I’m waiting to hear back from a friend who’s struggling with mental health, and in reading back the earliest entry (Dec 2017), I realized how much I’ve grown.

I realized how very powerful I am. Time is amazing.

If I had a chance for another try,
I wouldn’t change a thing
This made me all on who I am inside
And if I could thank God
That I am here, and that I am alive
And everyday I wake
I tell myself a little harmless lie
The whole wide world is mine

Do I regret everything that’s happened since 2016? No. I strongly believe I just wasn’t supposed to go to CSUMB. I trained hard and received my first-degree black belt in TaeKwonDo and Kenpo the day I moved in to my shitty 6-feet by 10-feet dorm room with rude roommates who constantly shunned me. Add a nasty and extremely small bathroom shared by four people, and you have a recipe for a wild story that spells “disaster”.

I need to keep living, just to see how life pans out. I need to keep breathing, keep creating, keep discovering and exploring because, dammit, life is calling me. I wanna go on aimless road trips and scream at summer festivals and feel the speeding breeze take the air from my lungs.

I need to keep living, and as long as my heart is beating I promise you, I will do exactly that.

Always.