Forever A Fan (A Reflection)

If there’s one band that hits the feels every time, it’s Angels & Airwaves.

I’m currently chilling in my room, blankets a mess beneath my legs, my one-inch tall speaker playing a shuffle of AVA songs.

I haven’t listened to this band in so long, but every album (from their debut to LOVE) just brings back separately powerful memories.

I’d like to say

that you’re my only fear

and when I dream

it slowly disappears.

I was reading some of the past journal entries on my Quotev, and it got me thinking. Right now, I’m waiting to hear back from a friend who’s struggling with mental health, and in reading back the earliest entry (Dec 2017), I realized how much I’ve grown.

I realized how very powerful I am. Time is amazing.

If I had a chance for another try,
I wouldn’t change a thing
This made me all on who I am inside
And if I could thank God
That I am here, and that I am alive
And everyday I wake
I tell myself a little harmless lie
The whole wide world is mine

Do I regret everything that’s happened since 2016? No. I strongly believe I just wasn’t supposed to go to CSUMB. I trained hard and received my first-degree black belt in TaeKwonDo and Kenpo the day I moved in to my shitty 6-feet by 10-feet dorm room with rude roommates who constantly shunned me. Add a nasty and extremely small bathroom shared by four people, and you have a recipe for a wild story that spells “disaster”.

I need to keep living, just to see how life pans out. I need to keep breathing, keep creating, keep discovering and exploring because, dammit, life is calling me. I wanna go on aimless road trips and scream at summer festivals and feel the speeding breeze take the air from my lungs.

I need to keep living, and as long as my heart is beating I promise you, I will do exactly that.

Always.

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